Weight and See...

The holiday season, with the over-sized slices of pumpkin pie, the lounging in front of televised football, and the inevitable friendly pressure to take that second helping of potatoes, I thought this was an appropriate time to release some anxiety. Lately I've noticed I think about my weight - all the time. I am either planning out what I'm going to eat (making sure I'm not eating too many calories or too much junk food), examining my gut in the mirrored windows of the JFSB, or showing up late to class because I'd much rather walk the mile-and-a-half than feel sedentary by driving. No preaching, please. I already know girls are more beautiful when they have confidence instead of being self-confident. I'm also fully aware that the engaged girls in my ward are soon to be bethrothed because their men somehow love bodies they have. And yes I definitely know girls who attract more guys than I do, even though they can only squeeze into a size 1 in their fondest Photoshop dreams. But I don't understand how. It's not fair that I have trouble focusing in school because I'm scared my love handles are increasing, but I don't have a rock on my finger to show for it. How do guys - or girls themselves, for that matter - find "imperfect" bodies attractive? How does one (i.e., me) get to that point? This is just no way to live...

But on a rosier subject (because it just feels odd to end with a note of complaint), I turned 21 on Thursday! Nick took me out for virgin margaritas at Los Hermanos, and I got splendid cards and presents from the fam and friends. EVERYONE sent their congrats via Facebook or text. Stephen, my little freshman friend, gathered his roommates together to leave a chorus of Happy Birthday on my voicemail. And then on Friday night my friend, Jeff, took me up to The Roof in Salt Lake. Uh, can you say 'dessert line with a 25-foot wingspan'? Of course, as fitting to my personality, I scoop tiny morsels of each dessert onto my plate (I had to try everything!). Um, yeah and then I went back for some more generous seconds on the double-layer pumpkin cheesecake - and contrary to the musings above, I don't even feel guilty about it :D

Sweet view, eh?
It's as big as my head!

And I have a crush! :) But you only get to hear about it if you live outside of Provo! Privacy is a virtue in this treacherous territory of emotions!

Oh, and ps - please no "Stefanie you're beautiful don't worry about your weight comments." I'll delete them without reading them any further - this entry was not simply a cry for attention :)

Answers

The First Presidency wrote the Church a letter, encouraging us to view the recently updated mormon.org site. I curiously peeked into it, and as I watched some of the videos of the testimonies of the converts I delightfully remembered the feelings I had when I first started coming to Church. I had always been pensive of religious topics when I was younger, and wondered how I could know what things were right with all the different opinions taught. When I first sat in Sacrament meeting of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I just remember hearing the names of Heavenly Father and of the Savior and recognizing this feeling, feeling they were real and actual living Beings. As the missionaries taught me, it was like all these pieces were falling into place. Questions I had always had (i.e. "If God talked to Moses, why doesn't He talk to men today?") were answered, and they taught me things that, deep down, I had always known were true.
Everyone goes through difficult times, and as I learned more about the true nature of God I became better able to communicate with Him through those painful times. Prayer is something that has blessed my life so much, because I know I am actually speaking to my Father in heaven, and He is listening and ready to communicate with me.
There is a scripture in 1 Corinthians that says "Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him." It was always difficult to comprehend that scripture, because, well, how can we understand what we have not seen or heard? But I compare it to how happy and peaceful I felt when I first started reading the Book of Mormon, and praying about what the missionaries were teaching me. I didn't know I could have joy that full or experience peace that sweet, but now I have those feelings all the time at Church, the temple, and when I think of Christ. Because of this I know that it's not that intangible to think of the blessings Heavenly Father has in store for His children.
I share this because this is such a central part of my life, and people often ask, "You're a Mormon? Why Mormon?" And this is why, because I have drawn closer to God and gained a better testimony of Christ, and I feel I am on the path that leads me back to Them.

mormon.org